A Maybe is a No!

Bhavana Sharma, 07/12/2018
A Maybe is a No!

A Maybe is a No!

Don't you hate murkiness? Don't you hate feeling excited about someone new only to have your hopes dashed later?

I have an idea that can help you. Repeat after me, a MAYBE is a NO. Someone is either into you completely or they are not. There is no MAYBE. A MAYBE is a NO. It's tempting to think that things will turn around and the other person will decide they like you. Don't kid yourself. A MAYBE is a NO. Plain and simple.

People will use 'MAYBE' and it's iterations because they are afraid to say NO or because they want to hold you in reserve until a 'better' offer comes along.

Don't you dare think MAYBE means 'perhaps' and is somehow on its way to becoming YES. That's a path to frustration and disappointment. When you hear MAYBE call it out on the spot. Say, "A maybe is a no." Make the person own their NO. Don't delude yourself. That's what they mean.

You: "Would you like to have a drink sometime?

Her: "I have to check my schedule and get back to you."

Hello! That's a MAYBE. A MAYBE is a NO.

You: "Well, if you really wanted to meet up with me you'd say yes. So I'm taking that as a no. Thanks for your time. See you around."

That'll get you some respect mister.

People either like you or they don't. They are attracted enough or not. There is no MAYBE. Understanding and implementing this truth will save you time, anxiety and hurt expectations. Time to get tough I say.

Hottie: "I need to cancel for tonight. I've got a cough."

You: "It's okay to just say you're not interested."

Hottie: "No, really, another time."

You: "Well, I don't believe you really want to go out. If you did you would offer a counter date."

Hottie: "How about next week?"

You: "You understand that my intentions are romantic and sexual. I just don't want to be friends."

Hottie: "I thought that this was a friend thing."

You: "That's fine. But I'm not looking for that. Thanks. Goodbye."

Occasionally, just occasionally, this type of firm wielding of the truth will turn a MAYBE-NO into a YES. It's the 'love me now or lose me forever' idea. But don't count on it.

I'll give you another example from my own life. Recently I spent a couple days with a new female friend. We had a wonderful time and developed a connection. I don't recall ever laughing so much over the span of a couple days. Though it wasn't my intention, I realized I had developed something more than friendly feelings for her. I would describe my feelings as a gravity; inescapable and omnipresent. She later confessed to feeling similar - we had rarely met someone we found it so easy to be with. For me, the step forward was simple. GIRL FEELING + BOY FEELING = ACTION. When you meet someone you connect with that much, you make room to be together. The possibility for that kind of love trumps all.

But my friend has a relationship. By all accounts her boyfriend is a good guy. It's not a bad relationship. She's not willing to leave the 'good' for the potential of the 'great'. I can't blame her. Few people are willing to take that type of risk. They're not like you and me. Not romantics. Not dreamers. Not people who'll burn down Rome for love. I call them lame but most would call them 'realistic'.

In this case, I could hang around and be her friend, wait things out. MAYBE it might turn around. The boyfriend might slip up. The relationship may falter. My friend Mike thinks I should. In his world, for such a connection, it's worth waiting. But I suspect he's a bigger romantic than even me.

I'm done with waiting. You should be done with waiting. That person could be the 'one' but if they're too caught up in their life to realize it then they are NOT the ONE. Just some girl or guy. If they don't feel the connection enough now to take a risk with you then they won't feel it enough later either. These things rarely change. Despite our gut feelings, they are just not that into us. 'X' is not great enough to overcome the inertia 'J' even as 'time 'T' approaches infinity. X < J/T

In other words, we could wait forever and they would not come over to our side. MAYBE here clearly equates to NO. Suck it up friends and move on. The time, energy and hopefulness is better placed somewhere else, into someone who is willing to say YES, even if they are not the ONE or even in the top twenty. No more texts, chats, tweets or whatever to our MAYBE-creatures. In the end we will be happier for cutting it off and finding someone who can give us a solid YES. Perhaps find that person right here now on Loveawake.com.

I visualize this idea as digital. Either they want to give you their number or not. Either they want to go for coffee or they don't. Either he or she is into you or they are not. Either they want to date you or they don't. Either it's ON or its OFF. Life really isn't any more complicated than that. Good luck and good love my friends.

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